Peta Pan questioned:
i have tried everything and what makes it 10 times harder is the fact that i am in iraq. i didnt cheat on her or anything i dont know what i did and she wont tell me. can somebody give me a answer cause she is my world and i cant go on without her
You might not have done anything. It might be her way of dealing with your contemporary situation. There are two ways to look at it:
1. Fondness makes the hear grow stronger. In this case, being apart makes your bond stronger.
2. Out of sight, out of mind. Being apart is hard, and it’s not simple to convey feelings on the touchtone phone. Plus, there are probably things running through her mind with all of her free time.
The relationship is not entirely you, it’s her as well. So she wants to question herself what up.
All you can do is wait till you get back and pray(I have found God can exchange hearts and circumstances) when you get back question her for counseling and question God to open her heart to this.I know I sound like a religious nut but really I am one of those who did what I wanted then cried out when I found myself neck deep in the pile of poop I produced.but you know what ?When I gave it to him REALLY GAVE IT TO HIM NOT PRAY ABOUT IT AND THEN WORRY DAY AND NIGHT THAT IS NOT GIVING IT TO HIM.When I did no matter how huge the mess was He knew the answer.It was not Always what I wanted to hear but it Always was the right answer.Oh YEAH sometimes even it hurt like H.E.L.L. but it was always the right answer.
It could just be that she is miserable with your situation and is truly frightened. She may not want to tell you her fears that pertain to you.
Secondly, is it doable someone she knows could have told her something untrue about you and she doesn’t want to say? It would be helpful to know what she did to give you the impression that that you no longer have her heart?
It’s hard to say if you can or not, with the few details you have given.
How do you know you have lost her heart and need to win it back? How long have you been married?
You say she won’t tell you what you did, so my first thought is that you DIDN’T do anything at all and she won’t can’t tell you because there isn’t anything you have done to exchange her heart, sometimes people just fall out of like. The space may have been something she wasn’t able to deal with. Sadly, absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder, as the ancient saying goes. My second thought on conception your question was that maybe she sees you as too needy emotionally. Not all women want to hear/ feel that you can’t go on without them as you said. Or, sadly, when told that, some women just play it for all it’s value and toy with your emotions. I despise to even add this, but, maybe she has found someone in your absence.
At the very least, as the wife of a man that is off risking his life for all of us, and that includes her, she owes it to you to tell you what is incorrect. Question yourself not how you can win her heart back, but why, if she loved you, would she want you to be miserable half the way across the world. If she likes you she would have to know the hurt she is causing by being so emotionally distant when you are so far away. I am sorry, but unless you add more details, she sounds like many army wives I have renowned over the years that reckon because you are far away, they can have their own lives and wait until the guy gets home to fess up. Normally I would say everyone should trust their spouse unless they have a reason not to. The fact she isn’t telling you what is going on with her, IMO, is reason enough not to. Have you questioned freinds/ relatives at home if they know what is going on? You may not like what you hear, then again I may be VERY incorrect. I hope I am.
It is because you and she are separated for reasons neither of you can control. She may be worried to care too much for you because she knows that you are in constant danger where you are and she may not be able to cope with the dread of permanently losing you. She is, of course not helping YOU during this cycle of your life and YOU are the one that wants her to know the most. You can go on without her if you have to, you know that please do not give up on yourself or on her. Reckon each day of the time when you can be home with ALL of the other people that like you and try to live one moment at a time. I wish I could help you, but only you can help yourself at this time. You will find that each day you are closer to coming home and closer to the time you will be able to settle these problems with your wife. If you are meant to be together you will be in the coming time. You have your whole life ahead of you when you get home. God bless you and thank you for all you are responsibility for ALL of us in this country and people all over the world. Come home safe and your life will go on the way that God wants it to. Thank you again. I am a very ancient lady, and I thank you for all you are responsibility for me and for all of my fellow Americans.